- It's a very easy thing for me to allow myself to slip down into a very discouraged state, especially at this point in my life when anybody could look at my life and say, "Wow. If I were you, I'd be discouraged too." The longing to know what it is exactly that God has in store for me, His will for my life I mean, and when the heck it's all going to come about is the central thought in my head all day...every day. That, and the fact that certain circumstances prevent me from going out and doing the few things that really interest me, or even going to school for the one thing that I would ever even consider going to school for. How easy it is for me to think and say, "I have no life whatsoever." ...I feel like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day, always feeling like I'm living the same day over and over again. I'm sure everyone has felt this way at some point or another, but for me, it's every day. Having said this, I will say, though my general thought towards every day is normally 'blah,' I don't always give in to the discouragement and self-pity I want to wallow in. Why? Because it's completely self-centered, which is wrong.
- This morning, I'm sorry to say, I gave in to discouragement. I woke up feeling all down and out, listening and dwelling on the lies Satan loves to feed me, making me feel as though I am completely and utterly without purpose. During prayer after my quiet time, I cried, asking God to open the door to some kind of opportunity for...anything. Desperating needing to know when and where and how God's will for life is going to come about, forgetting, once again, to "Wait on the Lord..." Soon I was reminded of verses 11-13 from Philippians 4: "Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state that I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: everywhere and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." and also, "The Lord is good unto them that wait for Him, to the soul that seeketh Him. It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the Lord." Lamentations 3:25-26. After remembering these verses, I just thanked God for a new day to live, asked Him to just help me through this day and to choose to have a grateful, thankful attitude despite any 'blues' I may be feeling.
This scripture alone was incredibly helpful (God's Word always is), but later this morning I was encouraged further by a little bit of literature shared with me by my sister, Sally, while we sat outside. She read to me the last bit of the preface of the book she's currently reading; it reads: - I hope no reader will suppose that 'mere' Christianity is here putforward as an alternative to the creeds of the existing communions-as if a man could adopt it in perference to Congregationalism or Greek Orthodoxy or anything else. It is more like a hall out of which doors open into several rooms. If I can bring anyone into that hall I shall have done what I attempted. But it is in the rooms, not in the hall, that there are fires and chairs and meals. The hall is a place to wait in, a place from which to try the various doors, not a place to live in. For that purpose the worst of the rooms (whichever that may be) is, I think, preferable. It is true that some people may find they have to wait in the hall for a considerable time, while others feel certain almost at once which door they must knock at. I do not know why there is this difference, but I am sure God keeps no one waiting unless He sees that it is good for him to wait. When you do get into your room you will find that the long wait has done you some kind of good which you would not have had otherwise. But you must regard it as waiting, not as camping. You must keep on praying for light: and, of course, even in the hall, you must begin trying to obey the rules which are common to the whole house. And above all you must be asking which door is the true one; not which pleases you best by it's paint and panelling. In plain language, the question should never be: 'Do I like that kind of service?' but 'Are these doctrines true: Is holiness here? Does my conscience move me towards this? Is my reluctance to knock at this door due to my pride, or my mere taste, or my personal dislike of this particular door-keeper?'
When you have reached your own room, be kind to those who have chosen different doors and to those who are still in the hall. If they are wrong, they need your prayers all the more; and if they are your enemies, then you are under orders to pray for them. That is one of the rules common to the whole house. - I think maybe this was God's way of 'helping' me when, through tears this morning, I asked Him to help me through this day. Out of the whole book, my sister randomly decides to read me this particular passage. Coinscidence? I doubt it. Thank you, God, for this encouragement today! :) Oh...and also thank you to the author of the book, that would be none other then C.S. Lewis. You're gone now, C.S., but God is still using your writing in the most amazing ways.
* The particular event occured on April 20th, 2011.
